Grief is one of the most common concerns we help clients navigate. Sometimes clients come to therapy knowing they’re grieving. Other times, grief is more nuanced and isn’t something they recognize until we begin exploring what’s beneath the surface of their struggles.
When most people think of grief, they think of losing someone through death. While that’s certainly one form of grief, it’s far from the only one. Grief can follow any significant loss: a relationship ending (even one that was unhealthy), moving to a new home, changing careers, losing independence because of illness or injury, or letting go of the life you thought you were going to have. Anytime something meaningful changes or ends, grief may follow.
One of the hardest parts about grief is that it doesn’t follow rules. Just when you think you’ve found your footing, it can catch you off guard again. That can be frustrating because people really like to have a sense of control, but grief isn’t something we can control, and it can get worse if we fight against it.
I like to describe grief like walking along the ocean. Some days the waves are small, gently washing over your feet. Other days, they crash into you, knock you down, and leave you struggling to catch your breath. Eventually, the waves usually become less overwhelming, but they don’t disappear. The goal isn’t to stop the waves. It’s learning how to walk with them without losing our balance.
So how do we learn to be okay without pretending everything is okay?
The truth is, there isn’t a “right” way to grieve. Everyone’s experience is different. Unfortunately, many people believe they should be “over it” by a certain point, so they push away painful thoughts and emotions instead of allowing themselves to experience them. While avoidance may provide temporary relief, healing comes from finding a balance. Making space for difficult emotions while also giving yourself permission to rest from them when you need to.
Grief will always leave a mark. There may always be moments when sadness returns, and that’s okay. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or never hurting again. It means reaching a place where grief no longer controls your life or knocks you off your feet every time it shows up.
So how do we work through grief?
As you’ve probably guessed by now, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. As long as you’re safe, your grieving process gets to be your own. We can’t force grief, rush it, or compare it to someone else’s. If you’re looking for a place to start, here are a few ideas:
Allow yourself to feel sad.
It’s okay to not be okay. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions without judging them. If expressing yourself feels difficult, try journaling, listening to music, creating art, or simply sitting with your feelings. You don’t always have to “do” something.
Give yourself quiet moments.
Create space to slow down. This might look like prayer, meditation, spending time in nature, taking a walk, or simply enjoying a few extra minutes of quiet in the shower.
Create meaningful rituals.
Rituals can help us honor our loss and maintain connection. This might include assembling an ofrenda, attending religious services, celebrating birthdays or anniversaries, lighting a candle, or visiting a gravesite.
Talk about your grief.
Loss shouldn’t be a taboo subject. Talking about the person, relationship, or life you lost can be an important part of healing. Friends, family, support groups, or a therapist can all provide valuable support.
Hold onto meaningful memories.
Sometimes, remembering the good moments brings comfort and connection. Other times, there may not be many positive memories- especially if you’re grieving a difficult relationship or a complicated loss. Both experiences are valid.
Take breaks from grieving.
You don’t have to process your emotions every minute of every day. It’s healthy to step away sometimes. Watch a movie, read a book, spend time with loved ones, laugh, or enjoy a hobby.
Care for your body.
Grief is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. Do your best to eat nourishing meals, stay hydrated, rest, bathe, move your body when you’re able, and maintain basic daily routines. Small acts of self-care can make a bigger difference than they seem.
Reach out for professional support.
If your grief feels overwhelming or you’re struggling to move forward, therapy can provide a space to process your emotions, make sense of your experience, and develop healthy ways to cope. You don’t have to carry it alone.
Grief changes us because loss changes us. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what or who you’ve lost. It means learning how to carry that loss while continuing to live a life that feels meaningful. It’s okay if that journey takes time. There is no deadline for grief, and you don’t have to navigate it by yourself.
