Have you ever thought, “I know what I should do, so why can’t I do it?” Or noticed that every time you visit family or old friends, you fall back into old patterns that don’t feel like who you are anymore?
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
One way to understand these experiences is through Internal Family Systems (IFS), or parts work. IFS is based on the idea that we all have different parts, or subpersonalities. You might have a part that strives for perfection, another that avoids conflict, and one that wants to protect you from getting hurt. These parts aren’t flaws; they developed for a reason with positive intentions. At some point in your life, they were trying to get your needs met, and sometimes just help you survive.
The challenge is that what once protected us doesn’t always serve us in adulthood as we mature and grow. A part that helped you avoid conflict as a child may now make it difficult to set/maintain boundaries and advocate for yourself. A part that pushes you to be perfect may leave you feeling exhausted or never good enough. Sometimes different parts of us want different things, leaving us feeling stuck, conflicted, or in an internal battle.
So, What’s the Goal?
The goal of IFS isn’t to get rid of these parts or silence them. Instead, it’s about getting to know them with curiosity and compassion. As we better understand what each part is trying to do for us, we can begin building trust and understanding, and ultimately make better-informed decisions for ourselves. Over time, those parts can learn to let go of their “jobs”, allowing us to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically.
IFS helps us recognize that we are more than any one emotion or behavior. We are complex and dynamic. When we learn to lead by our whole selves, we often experience greater confidence, self-compassion, emotional balance, and healthier relationships.
If parts work is something you may be interested in, consider working with a therapist who incorporates Internal Family Systems or parts work into their practice. It can be a powerful way to better understand yourself, heal old wounds, and create lasting change.
Actionable Steps
If you are ready to start your journey in exploring through IFS, our therapist Jessica is IFS informed through the IFS Institute and ACEIP trained with Dr. Lindsay Gibson. Book your consult here!
